The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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