...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
