I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
