I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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