I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
why is half of my head shaved?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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