That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
cat food counts as protein by the way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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