He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
