Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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