I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
