so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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