upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
