I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
