walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
