she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
