i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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