listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
