I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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