Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
wow bdsm is so cute
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