Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We got so high we made milksteak
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
