That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you made out with another girl for some wings
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
