Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How does one acquire holy water?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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