There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
