Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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