guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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