I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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