Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
