No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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