My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
