Having a random hookup so left but love u
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
