I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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