New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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