my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
