Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
