And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
