if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
