She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
there is glitter all over my balls
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
