"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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