Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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