Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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