Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
