i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
