is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
