After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You don't make any sense
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