my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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