Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
