I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
