I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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