That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
