Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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