Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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